Well, my grandma is trying to make me fat. She just made kuehlapis, (which totally rocks btw, haha) today! I tell you man, she is really trying to make me fat. When I got home today, she was still tempting me to try it, even though I told her I was so bloated from eating popiah. Haha.

Family day. Yes, I spend time with my family every Saturday. Lifeless; I know. Haha. Hmms, went to my grandma’s house; the other grandma. Yes, and it’s so cool, cause she gave me money, haha. Cool. She gave me money to eat at her house. Haha. Cool. Haha. Okay; I think I’m going retarded. Haha.

((:

manda.

Thinking back,
I can’t believe I cried then and there. With all those people listening; eavesdropping and seeing. I’m depressed. Yet the photos show happiness. Photography is the art of deception. It’s so true. Cause it’s like. In photos, I will be all smiling and such. But, it’s like. Inside, I feel like crap. And I’m a great actress. Drama queen, I can be. I can act really convincingly when I want to, I do. But, it’s like. What the hell. All these thoughts are giving me headaches.

Bad ones.

Anyways, I just have to say this. Whatever you guys think. This is what it is, and it is the truth.

It’s not that I can’t get over cause of the close proximity; but it’s just because.

PUH-LEASE!! And, yeah, get a life before making judgements of others. Judge yourself first alright? Okay, and yeah, those of you who wanna lie, please lie much more convincingly. You may seem that you are really good one, but please, what are the chances of you too saying the same thing at the same time huh? Hmm… think about it. And, I know you do, just say that you do. Alright? What’s there to lie about it, and go on with it behind my back. It’s like what the hell. And the worse thing is that it is affecting our relationships. By a lot. So yeah, it sucks.

And I hate that bloody ugly; thinksheisdamnhotandallthat bitch ass. I mean, even though you are such an anorexic-skinny ass, but, the thing is, you’re ugly and have no substance at all. None! So stop thinking you’re all that, cause, you’re not. Face it!

And as much as it pains me to say, I hate you too. Somehow, or someway; I do.

Anyways,
Love your enemies, it will drive them crazy. ((:

manda.

Manda and xuan met up today.

Manda loves it.
She really does. ((:

It was really fun, through all the tears and hysterics. Yes, tears. I cried. Told her so much; even the thing that I kept from everyone. Even my parents. But, even some things, you can’t tell anyone. Anyone at all. However, only that 2 people know. And, I’m not going to disclose any information about that. Just thought about it, 3 people know. Okay, that’s enough people who knows about it. Well, I hope that they don’t spread around that deep, dark, dirrty secret. One can only hope.

Sorry babe, but, I can’t even tell you this. It’s just too big. When the time is right though, I will tell you, and Freda and Wendy. But, it’s not that I don’t trust you guys okay? It’s just something that I’m really embarrassed about, and something, that is so big, and I really regret it. I do. And, you guys will just kick me a hundred times over for it. I know, cause I did.

Hmms. I seriously do, I admit, feel depressed. I keep thinking back these two months. It’s dragging me down. Just can’t forget. I have no idea why. It sucks; it really sucks. All these bad memories, just flood back into my mind. It sucks ya know. But, thanks xuan, for at least, TRYING to comfort me. kudos to you. Haha. Thanks for the tissue and stuff. Haha, it was so bad we left. I think we disrupted the whole quiet scene when we went in starbucks. And we so did studied. Haha. Took so many photos, bitching bout so many people, so many things. Haha. Feel down the couch like about three times? Haha. Crazy man. And I love the attention. Manda loves it. Haha. We shall do this next week. Haha. But, it was a little bad. After we left, it would be definitely be boring there again. Those guys lost their source of entertainment. Haha. And even though it’s gonna be an underage party, we still shall go crazy and have our fun rights? Haha. We shall run around topless and stuff. Whatever spontaneous stuff that we think of. Haha. Hmms, we must keep our promises okay? Haha. You MUST help me find one, help me get over that arse. Right? Haha, it’s taken me long enough.

But, for now, there’s midterms. Sigh. Crap man. I can’t study!!! It’s getting on my nerves.

RARHHHH!!

anyways, on a side note. i wanna be a baby again. ya know, no worries; none at all. it's like, when you're hungry, you cry. then, after you have eaten, you sleep. for hours, you don't need to think bout anything else. everything is done for you. you even have someone to bathe you! i mean how cool is that? then, on the streets, the all the attention goes to you. no matter whether you're an ugly, cute, pretty, fat, distorted, black, white, yellow, hideous, revolting, vommit worthy, gorgeous or skinny baby. then, everyone is rushing to entertain you, hold you in their arms. instant love i tell you. but, i wanna be a baby, not only cause of that, but, because, everything is real then. there's no corruption or superficiality. everything's just real and true. nothing more. no hate, no prejudice. none at all. you don't know anything at all. it's the simplest life to lead. you don't need to think, that much at least; no need to make decisions, no need to sit there and study and cram you arse off, you don't get heartbroken, you don't hate. what you see is what you get. you love wholeheartedly, cause your heart is not broken into a million tiny bits, that even though, even though you manage to piece it back together, after the mess of glue, tape, stickers, nails, staples, blutack; it is not whole. some miniscule, micro pieces of your heart is lost, never to be found. it will never be whole again. it just won't. and you get your mother's love and devotion, before all the madness nad corruption sets in, when your mother is not some crazy whacked out bitch who screams and scolds you at the slightest thing. cause, that's that. there's nothing more to it. plus, in singapore, parents get benefits, so yeah, why shouldn't your parents be happy; estatic, right? hmms, yeah, whatever. ok, this is so random. but, on the way home, i was thinking bout this. pure innocence.

innocently, with all the love she can muster,

manda.

friends with benefits,

not a bad idea at all.

hmm.. i think i shall give it a shot.

haha.

--i hate you.

manda.

bad manda.
*spanks self*

today was a crazyass day.

well, for starters, bio pract sucked, but i finished with like half an hour to spare. don't know what crappy questions they asked.

"what is the difference in digestion and absorption between ripe and unripe fruits?"

what? erm, when you eat the unripe fruit you get diarrhea and have runny shit?

it's like, wth, how am i supposed to know??

hmms. after pract, i went absoulutely crazy. i was hyper, then i went down, then i was hyper again... and so on and so forth. hmms. i was laughing hysterically, like no one's business. those kinda loud laughters, with ranging pitches. haha. seriously crazy. then, during physics, me and caleen went crazy. we started doing stuff that we shouldn't be doing with jac then started singing way off key, then jacky joined in. haha. of, course, miss sin was not please; not please at all. haha. we, continued until after school, where we screamed at the top of our lungs. haha

hmms, then cal, jac, wileen and i went to find miss chua, but was stuck outside the staff room, where we crapped again. well, it was kinda expected huhs. haha.

then, went to parkway with cal, jac, wileen and roanny. haha. at mos, we started playing truth or dare. that was really crazy. i was so superhyper that i did so many crazy stuff, that i can't believe that i actually did in the first place. well, i drank a stranger's drink, which, to think of it now, is so gross. i mean what if that person is sick? EWW.. haha. i like, even unhooked my bra in front of so many people?!?! i have not the slightest idea why i did that!! haha. hmms. that is only 2!! there's so much more. it's like every dare they threw at me, i just did it! haha. anyways, what is a fun day without getting wet? haha. so, as you guessed, i got wet. haha. when playing in the fountain at pp. childish, but fun. it was seriously crazy.

now, i'm tired. i think i'm getting sick. these few days, i keep on getting spells of dizzyness, mindgrains, and such. shit man. it's like so close to midterms. i shall just die.

laters.

well, screw this.
i seriously hate this.

really, truly, 100%, from the depths of my soul, sincerely, honestly, genuinly, beyond doubt, greatly, enormously hate this, indeed.

i can't believe that this is actually happening to me ya know; and i can't believe i'm just sitting here; letting all these stuff happening to me. is not good at all.

pent up anger.

uselessness.

locked feelings; which are just urging to emerge out.

being used. i especially hate this feeling.

all these emotions and feelings are like draining, and i know i said this many times, but it's like i just can't seem to forget; and i have no idea why. i seriously do need help, cause it's like, i'm going crazy. and i know it. i can't keep my mind focused; i just can't, ya know. and, i just hate it. i really do wanna get over this. but, somehow, i can't. the past has some eerie way of catching up with me and burble out. somehow. how dod i keep my mind off these things? i don't know. and, i feel hopeless. i'm putting myself down like over every little thing. and, it's really doing me no good. and, it's like im also putting others down too, so yeah, sorry ok?

this is damaging me in more ways than one.

for emphasis, i shall say this again.

i hate this.

what the hell.

it's all just superficiality; baby.

this sense of longiness is scaring the shite out of me.

i mean it's like, i do nothing, nothing but wait. ya know. wait, wait, wait. that's all i do now a days. it's like, waiting for your message, your call, your email and such. and, it's like you're so far away. and, i'm addicted. and, it's bad. how the hell can i possible get addicted to you once again? wth. i keep on thinking bout you 24/7. midterms are drawing closer and closer as each day flies by. i know i shouldn't, but, i am; i am. hopeless, i think. seriously. how can i forget you? i wanna know. please fill me in. you must have done something right; for me to actually feel for you again, after such a long time, ya know. and, of course, me not actually wanting to end it did add to the fact that i was never completely over. it sucks, it seriously does. plus, you seem to get over it so fast; then, now, you come back at tell me those stuff. how do you expect me to forget? those feelings that i tried to lock away, flooded back into my mind like water rushing out of a broken dam. a dam of emotions. don't play with me ya know. i don't like it. and, somehow or someway, you have the upperhand, not me. and, i'm so not used to it. you make me feel used ya know. now more than ever. but, i will be a good friend, that i promised to be, and stay by your side, always. but, nothing further. not now at least.

you know what, i'm gonna try to erase you; erase you, to not think about you. not now. this year is too much of an important year to screw up, just because of that one person. ya know. so, i'm gonna try to break off all ties with you. off my hp and such. and, it's like, of all years, it's this year. and this year, i keep on screwing up. it's like wth. i can't seem to study, or actually pay attention in class for that matter. i seriously do need help.

anyways, today was so crappy. well, after school went to parkway to have lunch with the guys. well, i do have to say that the cesar salad at coffee bean is nice. but, it's like such a huge portion!! i was so bloated. then, irritatingly, qx took my hp to play with that dumbass who was trying to prank on me. lame. anw, went home, i couldn't be bothered anymore after i got back my ipod and hp. they guys are so lame; but ya know, somewhat fun to be with, with crapyness and all. haha.

anyways, i'm going to try to study, once again. so yeah. laters ya'll.

loves,

manda.

i'm banging my head on the table now.

i feel super dumb.

thinking back, i really do regret what i had done. why did i do it in the first place, i have no idea. i'm wishing that i could take it back, but i know i can't. maybe if i didn't do that in the first place, it wouldn't have hurt so much; ya know? but, what's done is done. he had nothing to lose, but i had so much more. now, i look back, i seriously do regret, and i feel extremely dumb.

ineedtoletgo,ineedacleanbreak.yousee;onlywhenyougetacleanbreak,whenyougethurt,

youheal,nomatterhowfastorslow,youheal.however,ifitisamessyaffair,somehow,orsomewhat,

youcan'tgetoverit;notcompletelyatleast.so,iguess,

ijustneedtogetfaraway;farawayfromyou.

anyways, on a lighter note,

HUGH JACKMAN IS FREAKIN HOT!!!

plus, he has an accent. a british one no less!

i tell you, he makes me weakinthekness. i tell you, seriously.

haha.

he is truly YUMMY. yummalicious. haha.

*nibble*

hmm, i just realised something.

i have real crappy cousins. haha. very dirtyy minded too. for 13 to 14 year olds, should be really innocent, yet what came out of their mouths today really surprised me. but, for my 13yearold sister, it seemed like a normal occurance. i was like wth? how do they know so much. well, lin said that she was just sexually knowledgable. wtf. haha. but, it was none the less hilarious, and it made my extremely crappy day. haha.

and, eka, you should be happy. i DID eat! alot, for that matter. haha. so, yeah. shutup, and, you have to tell me!!; [fine, SAY. haha. ((:] i don't care!! haha.

loves,

manda.

he is bloody scaring me.

freda, help me!!!

in this relationship,

there's You,

and there's me.

no one else.

nothing can come between us.

nothing at all.

not now,

not ever.

i love you.

manda.

i feel used. used and thrown away. i really do wanna get away. away from everything. away from him. he is distracting me from everything. everything that i had my sights upon; cruelly snatched out from my grasp. that selfish one didn't even need it, didn't even want it. took it away and just discarded it, just like that.

i feel like running away, far away, the furthest that i can go, away from here, from all these shite. but why? why, oh why, oh why; is it so hard to forget. so hard to erase. why is is so hard to blast out of this sickening orbit. why in the first place does everything revolve around you? why can't i just stop. i wanna get away. get rid of you. your scent, your touch, your everything. you keep coming back into my mind, though i try my hardest to forget. from the first time i laid my eyes on you, to the last time i saw you, turning your back to me, walking away, away into the arms of another. all i thought was erased, yet, somehow, it managed to surface. again and again. why can't i just let go? let go of it all. you hurt me too much, too much. yet, i still wanna get close to you. why? why am i addicted? to such pain, to such ugliness, to such hurt? why can't i just walk away, like you did? i'm being obsessed. i needa just say my goodbyes. bury you deep down, erase you from my memories. all those times, good and bad. just get lost, won't you? why can't i just stop thinking. stop thinking bout you? i thought i was over. over you.

i need help.

You were the one thing,

that I could count on

You were my everything

And then I found out that we mean nothing

from someone on the street

And I never saw it comming

never saw it comming

No I never saw it comming

never saw something

I believe all the things you said, I believe you

If you where me would you push you

Would you turn the other cheek and forgive you

Would you cry out would u break down

Would you wait for karma to come around

Would you give up

Would it be enough

To make you never ever wanna be in love

What would you do what would u do if you were me

Would it be through

I dont know whats left to talk about but I found it hard to leave

With us so closure how could you want her

When you were still with me

And I never saw it comming never saw it comming

No I never saw it comming never saw something

If you where me would you push you

Would you turn the other cheek and forgive you

Would you cry out would u break down

Would you wait for karma to come around

Would you give up

Would it be enough

To make you never ever wanna be in love

What would you do what would u do if you were me

Would it be through

You turned something so good so bad

Threw out all the things that we had

Put yourself in my shoes its so sad

I believed all the things you said I believed in you

If you where me would you push you

Would you turn the other cheek and forgive you

Would you cry out would u break down

Would you wait for karma to come around

Would u give upWould it be enough

To make you never ever wanna be in love

What would you do what would u do if you were me

Would it be through

Would it be through

What would u do if you were me

What would u do.

lindaylohan-whatwouldyoudo.

and, yes. karma did came around.

manda.

well, i'm bored again. let's see what did i do today? hmms. well, first off, i actually didn't sleep today at amaths!! i'm so proud of myself. haha. then, there was 2.4, plus, i'm sick. wth. my toes hurt like mad now cause i didn't wear the right shoes. then, the worse thing. halfway thruough that ordeal, i started having cramps. AGAIN. of all times. then, what was so demoralizing was that when i was at the end of my 2 out of 3 rounds, joshua finished. it was 8.16 bloody minutes. and, he is sooooo blur that he is adorable. haha.

and, caleen, brian's YUMMY. haha. ((:

anyways, then we had english. wth. another comprehension. then chinese. wanted to skip, but, jac bailed on me. so evil.

anyways, we skipped biology cause of physics excursion to nus. which was kinda cool. who knew that physics could be that interesting? haha. the guy who was giving us the tour was super funny. the way he talked i mean. it's like once i heard him, i started cracking up. haha. anyways, i had to pee and i couldnt bloody find the toilet. and, i think the only toilet is like at somewhere on the fourth storey, and i had to climb like god knows how many flights of stairs, so, yeah, i couldn't be bothered. by the time i reached school, i ran to the toilet and peed like there was no tomorrow. i felt so relieved. haha.

then, cal, jac, wileen and i went to mac's to eat. we all like had the same thing and the conv we had was super interesting. of all sorts. after eating, we were so hyper, especially me for some apparent reason, and everytime i got excited i started jumping. i think i'm seriously going crazy. haha. hmms. the busses were super crowded and we was squashed, like bugs on a pavewalk.

ok. i don't know what i'm typing now, so i think that this entry is super boring, and makes kinda no sense. and, im braindead now, so, i'm lazy to proff read or actually continue for that matter. well, this is getting boring.

manda.

well, today isn't a good day for me. well, firstly, I BLOODY LOST MY JOURNAL!! on the way to school. and i don't know where or how. and, it has my full name as well as my school on it, cause my nametag is like attached to it and all. dang smart of me, i may add. plus, that journal consists of my innermost thoughts and feelings, so yeah, wth. secondly, i'm sick. AGAIN. and, i had chinese test today, and i know i'm gonna fail, cause i was so sleepy while i was doing it, and, i had cramps. so, you can imagine the immense pain i had to endure. plus, chinese is not one of my strongest points. so yeah, i think i screwed up that paper. then, we had biology practical on urine. so, you can imagine my disgust. and, i don't even like touching door handles, or press the busstop-bell. i'm that of a hygenic freak, so yeah. then, i had to endure 3 periods of english. supposed to take physics test right after school, but miss sin was having a meeting and FORGOT to pass the test papers to the lab assistant to pass it to me and caleen to take. things didn't go according to plan, and i had to go for bloody stars program. then, after that take the test. so, i was so tired and drained that i couldn't think anymore, so, i think i screwed that paper up too. i was making my own logic of things. anyways, who wanna know about circuits anyway and how much current, resistance and what not? then, it was raining when i walked out school, so i was drenched. and, now i'm having a cold.

SO F-A-N-B-L-O-O-D-Y-T-A-S-T-I-C!!!

what the hell.

anyways,

party at ministry of sound.

anyone interested, tell me.

selling tickets, so yeah. it's on the 30th of may, so don't worry, your midterms won't be affected. and. it's after exams, so partying is a must! haha. just shake it up abit, after those long hours of studying. you deserve it! and, it's only one night, so, it wouldn't affect your o's. i mean live life a little, rights?

anw, in all my excitement, forgot to tell you the details, ok, so here goes.

date: 300506

time: 2130h

tickets selling at $18 presale and $22 at the door.

and, it's an underage party. so yeah, those under 18 can go. haha.

manda.

and, i want an entourage too!!!

Baby Baby Baby......

I Wanna Satisfy You.

Maybe I Try Too Damn Hard,

To Show You I Love You

What Made You Go And Run This Game On Me?

When I Stayed By Your Side,

What Made You Go And Leave?

I'm tired of my heart being broken

I'm tired of these tears falling down my face

I'm tired of this love being taken for granted

Won't you go away

You Dont Know

, How I Feel.....

Im For Real.

I Used To Be In Love,......

But Not No more.

When Will You Learn

That I Got Feelings Too?

You'll Never Know Untill It Happens To You

I'm tired of my heart being broken

I'm tired of these tears falling down

my faceI'm tired of this love being taked for granted

Won't you go away

Theres One Thing I Gotta Ask of You,

One Thing,

Gotta Ask Of You

If This Is True

Why You Took Your Love Away?

From Me

Theres One Thing

I Gotta Ask of You,

One Thing,

Gotta Ask Of You

If This Is True Why You Took Your Love Away?

Im tired of my heart..... Being Broken.

Im tired Of These Tears.....

Falling Down My Face.

Im tired Of This Love.....

Being Taken For Granted.

ok, first things first.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKY!!!

i love you babe. esp for that photo!!! thanks so much!! haha.

yesterday is the last day that i'm going out before i do a crash course. study,study,study. studying is gonna be my life. and, for those who think i can't do it, i tell you, i can and i will. haha. ok, enough of crap.

let's see how boring my saturday was. hmm. tuition started at bloody 8.45 am, after that ended, i headed for a.math tuition. after that, i went home and arranged to meet mazuindah at parkway at 4. since, i felt wierd going out with her alone, i forced eka and qixian to come, and qixian forced jac to come, even tho she was so sick. *ahems*, she the connection there? haha. ok, neway, little did i know that ade, richang and desmond were there too. so yeah, we went our separate ways.

oh!! and i saw kenny and ferdinand!! i practically screamed; as some of you can imagine. haha. didn't know that you guys were back. t'was so cool seeing you guys again! haha. takecare yah? and see you soon.

went to get chocolates for easter with my sister first at cocoa trees. super expensive man. but, it's like the chocos were like super, super cute!! i think it's so adorable, im not gonna eat it!! haha. then went to coffee bean. and finally, qixian and jac came. finally. she was like sooooo sick!! she looked terrible!! didn't even bother to wear her contacts! and i couldn't hear her speak at all! so yeah, that's how sick she was.

oh yeah. i wanna get bunny ears. anyone knows where to get them?? please tell me!!

after that, met up with 'zuindah and the rest and took 196 to suntec. it was hilarious on the bus, cause this bunch of malay guys were like trying to take my photo. it was absolutely creepy!! then after we got down from the bus they were like waving bye. i was like. what the hell? and i had an urge to push them to the edge by like winking at them and blowing a kiss to them. so yeah, haha.

we went to carls' jr to eat. and i had to eat so much more than planned. cause it's like i don't like to waste food. and emma said she didn't want to eat. so i had to force feed myself the horrible fish. i was like trying to drown the horrible taste by adding tonnes of ketchup, so yeah, i was absolutely stuffed. i think i could actually pass off as like a 2-3 month pregnant lady! and, it's like i have the assets, so yeah. it was that bad. and, after that meal, i felt like puking.

then, took a roughly 35 minute walk to esplanade, and i was wearing heels, so you can imagine how bad it was. and ya know what, it was the first time i actually went there! so yeah. that's pathetic. we went to the roof terrace. it was kinda cool, cause it's like the view was really nice, and the moon was perfect. with stars shinning through the clouds. and its like i love the sky. clouds, sun, moon, stars and all. i don't know why, but i have a strange fetish. haha. anw, jacky took like 20 shots to get me a perfect still picture off the moon. it absolutely rocks. and i love you for that!! haha. anyways, even tho the terrace was loaded with people. people dancing, cycling, and just hanging. the band was good too. so yeah, it was perfect. took tonnes of photos and stuff. so yeah. haha.

after that, me and shuxian had to go off, and we waited for like 30 minutes, but there was no bloody cab!! then later, this caucasian guy with the most heartwarming puppy dog eyes came up to me and asked, "are you waiting for a cab?" and i was like "er, yeah" and he was like, "do you mind if my friends and i share the cab with you? cause we have been waiting for a long time." i was like huh? and he said, " just kiddin." i was like, what the hell?, but, it was still hilarious. haha.

the cab driver was funny too. he can speak fluent english! haha. and he was like talking bout how come everyone stereotype all taxi drivers to only speak chinese or dialect. cause he was pissed that when shuxian was talking with me, she spoke in english, but she spoke to him in chinese. LOL. plus, me and shuxian was talking bout qixian, then later, when i was talking to the uncle, his son is also bloody called qixian. such a small world man. haha. but talking to him was hilarious. so yeah. and i think i sound bimbotic now, so yeah.

talked to qixian after that. everything's cleared up i guess. it's for the better. i can't believed i actually agreed to do that for you, so yeah. and yes i know. your birthday is on the 23rd of may. and yes, i will get you something. promise.

more later.

love,

manda.

p.s. jacky, you owe me! you know how much i had to go through yesterday babe? haha. talk soon yeah? *mwahs*

ok, i'm stuffed. stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey.

after cooking.
yes, i do cook. and it's edible. it's not only edible, but it is delicious!! haha.

today, we had wagyu beef, cream of sweet corn and/or cream of mushroom soup, mashed potatoes, wedges, boiled veggies with mushroom sauce and ice cream for desert. yum. haha.

i was too lazy to do anything else for desert, so yeah. we had ben and jerry's. haha. i can do better. i think the marinate had too little salt. hmms. ok.

during dinner, my elder bro and i were discussing this kinda wierd topic. it's like, you see these cows. example, the japanese cow which is slaughtered so that we have our kobe beef. they really lead a great life huh, if you think about it. they get masaged, fed special grains and get to drink sake. for those who don't know what is sake, it is japenese rice wine, which packs a powerful punch. haha. and, they do nothing but that! the eat, sleep, and just live life. lazily, i may add. haha.

after that, i had a side-spliting conversation with my two aunts, cousin and sister. absolutely hilarious. i laughed so much, till my cheeks and tummy ached. haha. then, i went to play xbox. haha. those who really do know me, me and computer games don't mix at all, so yeah. i have no idea why i was playing xbox. but, ya know, it was quite fun. and my cousin said that for a first-timer, i did quite well. cool huhs. haha.

i missed the pasion of christ on star movies today. dang. the last time i did catch it, i only caught the last half an hour of the movie. just after five minutes, i started crying like nobosy's business. i don't know why, but the tears just kept pouring out. so yeah. the movie was so heart wrenching ya know. even after the movie. when i looked back, i started crying all over again. just because.

anyways, church was awesome today. heard many testimonials by various people. it was really wonderful and amazing hearing the many different non-fictional stories, true stuff that happens to real people, ya know. the miracles. nothing is impossible at the hands of God. it's true. it's like, there was this person who was suffering from polio, and her left leg was practically useless to her since the age of one! it was practically shorter than the other leg. but when the pastors prayed for her, she said that she could feel the muscles of her left leg moving and her leg stretching and growing! it was amazing, cause, she was able to climb up a flight of stairs at her office building, without any aid at all! Praise the Lord! another lady's story was that, one day, the heart of foetus growing in her stomach stopped beating. she quickly went to pastor tay, and pastor tay prayed over her. miracles of all miracles, the baby's heart started beating again, and was born a healthy baby. it is truly amazing. miracles do happen, if you believe. today's service was a healing service. pastor tay called those who have leg troubles to come up to the alter for healing. it was really cool as many people went up and they were healed! Hallelujah! seriously, it was truly amazing. i was, in awe.

ok. i'm off to bed now. i'm absolutely shagged. ok. bushed, i mean. bushed sounds much more politically correct. haha. my neck is stiff, due to sleeping in the car in that impossible position. my neck is throbing now. gosh, i hope it doesn't get worse. tuition at 9am tomorrow. worse. so, i really have to go!! haha.

hugs,

manda.

in dedication to good friday, i wanna write this.

Lord, thank you so much for what you have done, for all of us,

for me.

You made the biggest sacrifice ever.

You sacrificed Your one and only Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross of Calvary.

to cleanse us.

to wash away our sins.

thank you Lord for the selfless act that You have done.

Your great act of Love for us,

moves me.

in more ways than one.

and,

i'm forever thankful.

Amen.

forever grateful,

manda.

oh yeah,

one more thing.

say hello to the next big thing.

miss nicole richie.

diamonds and all.

firstly,

she is so much more witty and endearing.

and, for one, she actually has ambitions.

she's pretty too.

and she has a regular face shape,

unlike miss hilton's squared face.

so yeah.

paris,

who?

anyway,

i shall end off by paraphrasing miss richie.

that's hot.

manda.

i'm still waiting for my boy toy.

why am i waiting?

anyways,

on second thought,

girls will do just fine too.

manda.

today, was fun, i guess. well, for one thing,

miss chua did not come to school today!!

yays!! haha. but, jac and caleen didn't come to school today. jac confirm pontang one. it's like so duhs. so that she'll have the long weekend. if only i didn't come school today. it'll be so cool. the three of us, didn't come together. the teachers would think too much yeah? haha. many other people didn't come too, including michelle and yiwei, to name a few. plus, steven and paveena went home halfway through school. so yeah. so it was pretty much very slack today.

oh yah. and i bloody sprained my finger while playing netball today. it hurts like nobody's business! i can't even type without hurting my finger. see what pain i'm enduring to blog? haha.

went out with elmo, ok zongxuan, today. brought him to my dad's salon, mahogany, to cut his hair. met irene.

IRENE!! I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!!

ok. then, went to siglap macs to eat. i was really super full, and you were like force feeding me? haha. then you sent me home. haha. you are now my designated driver!! haha. thanks so much for today. haha. he treated me to like everything. even bought me chocos. sweet right. haha. he even insisted to buy the chocos i had to get for martin. so yeah, martin, you have to thank him. haha. he was super gentlemanly. haha. even said that "he doesn't let girls pay when they go out with him" haha. so chivalrous. haha. anyways, i insist that i will treat you to marche the next time. i don't care!! ok? haha.

anyways, xuan and i 7 month anniversary tomorrow! haha. and still going strong. haha. love you like crazy babe. get rid of jem!! you have me! it's good enough! haha. you and him, it's like only 2 months tomorrow. our's like 7 months eh! haha. yeah. i need retail therapy too ya know. we need shopping!! hurry up and make plans!! haha.

anyways, the four of us, best friends, amanda, freda, wendy and xuan made this blog. check it out yeah?

www.hookerchic.blogspot.com

it's cool. everything you need to know is inside yeah.

SO GO CHECK IT OUT!!!

by the way, that is more of a command than a request, yeah.

anyways, freda, don't fret kay?

we will always have june.

right?

haha.

i miss you like crazy.

yeah. and, martin, i didn't walk out on you guys!! don't think too much yeah babe?

love,

manda.

i think i should go for girls instead.

it's like i think, it's like, they would be less of a hassle huh? cause, we are of like the same gender, and they will understand us better. right? and, it's like, you see all those homosexual people on the streets. they are usually super hot. it's like, gays, no offense, they don't think girls are good enough for them, so they go for guys. and the same goes for girls. i mean it's like. for the pass relationships that i have, the guys have been such, how do i put this nicely, ignorant and oblivious. at times extremely irritating. so yeah. childish too. maybe it's not all guys. maybe, i'm being a little too harsh, and stereotyping a bit. but yeah. it is what it is. it's like more and more of my girlfriends are like into girls now, and i know many gay people, so yeah. and, i'm totally cool with them. plus, they are

absolutely gorgeous.

give me your views on it kay?

kisses,

manda.

sports' day.

let me start off by saying, BLUE HOUSE ROCKS!!!.

haha. esp, mel, laila, alicia wee and me. haha. and that jomille guy who actually poured h2O in his trophy cup, and drank from it. cool. haha.

anyways, it was quite interesting. i was cheering blue house like mad. won the event i took part in, 4x100m, b division girls. which is like supoer cool. cause we win it every year! so, it was kinda expected. didn't participate in the other events due to not attending the heats. as i recieved falsified information from my dearest sotong, joshua. haha. but you were extremely adorable when you were apologising and explaining yourself. so, i magnanimously forgive you. haha. hmms. mels won every event she took part in, so, kudos to you, yeah.

went to parkway with jpl, mw, muhd, gr, eka, qx, martin and roanny today. ate at delifrance bistro, after taking about a half an hour to decide. and. worse come to worse, the service sucked. so yeah. you can imagine how much time we spent there and how pissed qx and the rest were. but, not me. i am an understanding person. yeah? haha. ok, i feel that i'm gonna get whacked for saying that. ok. anyways, after lunch, me and jac were super hyper. so you can imagine. we were running around parkway like raving mad retards, in our school uniform none the less. we went around taking photos of ourselves doing slightly wierd stuff. haha. wanted to take pictures of us holding pregnancy test kits, but the guardian staff told us off. so sad, right? haha.

went home after that, for tuition. which, for most of the time, we were crapping, so yeah. not that productive. but, i was speaking in chinese the entire time, so yeah. that should be good right? haha.

anyways, my dad was shaving my elder bro, marcus, head last night. drastic change man! haha. but it was hilarious. then we were joking around after that, talking bout his sudden bengness with his haircut, which is totally not cool. so yeah. but, all in all, it was fun, just like the old times, ya know? but, once i stepped into the bathroom to have a shower, and his hair was blocking the flow of water into the drainage pipes, and the bathroom began to flood, it was no longer a funny thing. gosh, you have to clean that up! i'm not touching your wet hair!

anyways, had a great time today. surprisingly.

love,

manda.

p.s. the system is a little screwed up, so yeah, can't upload the pics. i promise you, the pics will come! haha.

i'm absolutely shagged today. my throat's hoarse. from all that cheering. netball match, against guang yang. we WON !!! yays! 30-5. whoever says otherwise, it's not true!! cause i have the pictures to prove it! haha. haha. and yesteday's match against navalbase, we won too! haha. i love winning. too bad i wasn't there yesterday girls! so sorry, yah. haha.

i'm like super hyper now. i have no idea why. haha. i seriously need to wind down. haha. anyways, it was so sool today, cause we missed chinese test cause of medical screening. haha. and, this whole week there won't be any mother tongue lessons cause of sports' day and good friday! yays! haha.

went to burger king to meet the rest of the guys with muhd. haha. we were discussing bout some stuff. i think we are on the same page here. haha. so cool. ate a lot. i'm absolutely stuffed. talked crap. heaps of crap. in the end, walked home. so cool. haha. got tonnes to think bout. had the time.

oh yah. just remembered something. we give dunman high sec less credit than they deserved. this couple of dunman sec pupils were seen on the bus fondling each other "discreetly". but, if we actually managed to notice, how discreet can it be? anyways, the guy was "teaching" this girl, supposedly his girlfriend. he was leaning over to her, and secretly, with his elbow, he was rubbing her boobs, and she started giggling. so yeah. and, everyone on the bus saw. and they were super uncomfortable. the commuters kept fidgiting. even tho we give them more credit for their great plan, they get a big fat zero for discreetness.

talked to my elmo today. he can drive! haha. he can drive me around from now on! my own personal chauffer! haha. so cool. meeting him on thurs to bring him to my dad's salon to do his hair! haha. then we go makan and he shall send me to tuition. haha!.

i seriously think i'm super hyper. i've been like using the word "haha" like gazillions of times. haha. what did i say bout winding down. hmms.

was surfing through the net. there is a brokeback mountatin 2. featuring jessica alba. gosh, she is H.O.T. hot. i seriously don't mind being like homo for her. she is like so shaggalcious. i mean. seriously, look at her bod. i can like shag her all day. haha.

anyways. just to say this, if there is like anything going on behind my back. please just say it, or should i say, come out in the open about it. there is seriously something very fishy going on. i have a good sense. anyway, i mean like many people agreed on my conclusion. so yeah. i'm prepared for the worse.

gosh. i really do need to get over this thing. i've gotten hurt by this too many times. what is this learning from my mistakes thing. so infuriating man. haha. i need a new prospect.

i need a boy toy. any volunteers?

love,

manda.

xuan!! i remembered his name!! it's jeremy, or jem as you so call him. gosh, i'm becoming really, really forgetful! haha.

at home, i didn't go to school today. i am REALLY sick ok! for those who think otherwise! i'm having fever, tho i feel much better now. haha. and my mom said that she would give me today off, with no pressure, whatsoever. so, it's cool. anyways, my hyperness is coming back, so yeah, it should be working right? haha. oh yah. i'm so sorry i can't be at the netball match today! i really am. anyways, tell me how it goes. yeah?

was talking to my aunt yesterday night. she really made me look at things at a different point of view. i told her some stuffs, but ya know, others like bout my family, she knows nothing about. it felt really great just sharing with another family member, ya know. tried talking to my mother too. but without my father around of course. but, didn't tell her anything solid. guessed i chickened out. but who can blame me? it's hard.

my aunt taught me some stuff. on how to deal with my problems. it's called Compartmentalization

. haha. a very long long word. haha. she said that i had a lot on my plate. and i just kept piling them up. running away. i guess in some ways, it is true. but, ya know, sometimes, it's easier just to not care. it is. but, i know, it is definitely a bad way to deal with stuff. she gave hilarious examples. such as the balls theory. please, i know some of you are definitely thinking dirrty. but, please, don't think too much. the thing is, my aunty actually agreed with me on some stuff. and ya know what. you guys have my blessing. if you want to get together, just do. gosh. i really can't be bothered. not anymore anyways. anyway, i'mgiving myself 3 days to settle everything, cause, it's really dragging me down. hmms, so during this few days, if i act coldly to any of you guys, please don't hold it against me, kay? i will just be settling this stuff with my family. i don't need your help. cause, some of these problems started with everyone's busybodiedness. so, yeah. it should stop. so, when everything is settled, hopefully before good friday, i should be back to my same old self. yeah.

LORD,

i'm in awe at the wonder of You.

i'm amazed to have a father like You.

thy faithfulness overwhelms me.

even when i'm standing in the shadow of doubt,

you are always there,

by my side,

embracing me, comforting me.

everytime i need You,

You are always there.

LORD,

i want to thank you.

for everything You have done for me,

i really appreciate it.

but,

i do feel ashamed.

ashamed that i can have my doubts in you,

while you are always there for me.

and,

i'm sorry.

hugs and kisses,

manda.

p.s. i think i actually did love you.

i'm hurting like crazy, and i have no idea why. it just hit me like ton of bricks. and, i'm absolutely crushed by the weight of it, and it sucks.

and, the worse thing is, it is affecting my studies. so it sucks even more. it's like i have two tests to study for tomorrow, but i'm absorbing nothing, nothing at all. i don't think i will be going to school then.

my aunt and uncle from indonesia are here today. so, i have to entertain them. and i finally know where they stay in indo. near ciputra. i know cause ferdinand pointed it out to me when i went there to visit freda during her sweet17. speaking of freda, i miss you like crazy babe! and i don't care, you are coming to singapore to surprise us, just like we did on your birthday! haha. my aunt and uncle. they wear flashy tops and gold jewelry. fendi and all. are those typical indonesians? man. i miss my cousins, andrew and albert. haha. hot ones, i may add. they were in indo when i was there. too bad i didn't manage to see them when i was there.

you know, thinking back. i wish nothing in the last month happened in school. if only i could turn back time. or else, some stuff would not happen to me, and i won't feel as crushed. ya know. it's like i have been sledgehammered. so, yeah, there you go. and, honestly speaking, even tho most of you would never believe it, i was seriously hurt by him. yes, i was. i know i did say some stupid stuff, and i do regret. i just wish that everything was back the way before. i seriously do. i realised, just maybe, just maybe, i need to have this trust. i know, it's a little too late and all. and, i for one, should know that, cause, trust is a very big thing for me, and there many times that i feel, just betrayed, ya know. so yeah, i find it hard to trust people now, so, in more ways than one, i'm sorry. i seriously am.

stuff has been going round behind my back. i know, i can feel it, and i hear some of the stuff too. but all i have to say is, it's all bullshit. all these gossips and all. how can you ever trust them. you have to hear it from the source, to actually believe it, ya know? so yeah. i can't believe some people actually base their judgement on what otheres say. and i know how idiotic that is, cause i was one of those people. so yeah. and listening to all that crap, really did cost me a lot. and, i do regret.

have been thinking alot. there are like tonnes of "what ifs", and i have been thinking of all of them. would thing have actually change? i mean, if i played things differently? well, we will never know. cause, we can't possibly turn back time right?

talked with qixian yesterday. and xuan, its QIxian, not KHEExian. i know, the similarities are there, but yeah. that was a funny thing; you thinking i was dating, shit, i forgot his name... wait, it will come back to me, but, for now, he is known as your boyfriend. anyways, as much as it pains me to say, i can see that he cares for you. and, that coming from me, speaks alot! haha. anyways, continueing, things did not go as well. and, ya know what, i was, emphasis on was, hurt by what you said. so yeah. and don't get all bigheaded, cause, there were tonnes of other things too. yours was like the icing on top of a humongous wedding cake. so yeah. you know, you can't just believe everything that you hear. ya know. so there you have it. me bearing my heart and soul to you, and there and then. you said, you don't trust me. anyways, whatever it is, i'm just sorry. things went out of hand. and i know that i blew up some stuff out of proportion and all. so yeah. there you have it. and, i'm deeply sorry. i just hope that, everything's alright now, and that things would just go back to normal.

anyways, will upload photos soon, when i can find the bloody cable. haha.

missing you guys like crazy.

love,

manda.

p.s. xuan, call me as soon as you can! there are tonnes of stuff to tell you!